Glibbertysmidgeon

“I dreamed that rotten food from the top shelf dripped on the pies and wreaked them!” Kris confessed on Wednesday morning. I can’t blame him for having pie disaster dreams. We spent 3 hours on Tuesday night juicing lemons, separating eggs, stirring cornstarch paste, and whipping meringue. It was our first lemon meringue pie experience, and it gave me a deeper respect for my grandmother, who made them regularly when I was young`.

Three hours of stirring, sniffing, starching, zesting and stressing- and we used store bought crusts!

But it was all worth it when these two beauties came out of the oven. The Meringue was tall and golden. We watched them cool in something like awe, licking tart filling from the wooden spoon and red rubber scraper. Kris’ eyes were nearly as round as the pies.

“I want to eat them now.”

I like that about Kris. He’s like the kid on Christmas morning. I like to savor the anticipation. I like that Christmas Eve feeling, when the house is lit up, the presents are stacked, and the whole world is holding it’s breath until morning. Watching him lick his lips over those pies only made the anticipation better.

That was two days before Thanksgiving, and we had to keep our mitts off the pies ‘till then.

We spent those two days making sweet potatoes, au gratin potatoes, spinach & feta quiche, homemade cranberries, and mulled wine. We ordered a deep fried turkey from Jive Turkey, down the street. Otto was bringing the perniel, Mel was bringing the pumpkin pies, green bean salad, mashed potatoes, and butternut squash soup with homemade cheesy croutons. To die for.

When the big day arrived things were going smoothly. The quiches were cooling on the stove, the sweet potatoes cooking in the oven. The wine was warming in the crock pot, and we were scurrying around tidying the house. At 2:30 Kris left to pick up the turkey, and Mel, Pam, and Mary arrived with their arms full of food. At 3:13, Otto and Kika arrived bearing ham, and at 3:30 Kris called to say there wasn’t going to be a turkey.

Jive Turkey had made a grave miscalculation, and people were lined up around the block. One woman threatened to sue. About the same time we decided to forgo the bird, I phoned Kathie to see when she and her family would arrive. As it turned out, nobody told them when to come for dinner. What is Thanksgiving without a little chaos?

Of course, there was plenty of food. There were also plenty of crusty dishes, sticky floors, and gummy counters. On Sunday, when we’d finally gotten the apartment straightened up, eaten most of the leftovers, and collapsed in the living room for a break, I thought again about grandma baking those pies.

My dad used to tell me stories about the days when Grams baked 14 loaves of bread every Tuesday, in a woodstove. Dad and his brothers used to pick blackberries so that Grams would bake pies in the morning, and feed them to Grandpa and the kids in the evening. On one level, it makes me want to kiss the Kitchen Aid stand mixer I got as a wedding gift. On another, it kind of makes me sad to know that there is no possible way I could accomplish the things my grandmother did. A wood stove?

I’m thankful that Aunt Eunice taught me how to make a good homemade pie crust, but I’m also thankful for the modern luxury of a store bought pie crust on Thanksgiving Day.

Mostly, I’m thankful that there’s another piece of lemon pie in the fridge right now, because all this writing about food has made me hungry.

When I was a girl I dreamed of war. The dream war went on and on, and that it took away my daddy, my brother, my husband and my cousins. In my dream, I knew I would never be happy again.

Today, that never-be-happy feeling is back.
Sometimes I can beat it back- shove it down while I enjoy a movie, or let is slide to the side while I walk the dog, breathing deeply the earthy leaf smell of fall. But it is always there. Like movement in my peripheral vision, like a foggy goblin lurking. The whole world feels like that darkened bedroom where I bunched my blankets up on the bed so the alligators couldn’t use the trailing edges to pull themselves up. The whole world feels like the yawning emptiness of my dream, where the holes left by my dead let the cold in. Where the holes left by my dead left me naked.

I don’t like my bedroom tonight. It feels cold and dusty, like the room my sister and I once shared on Uncle David’s farm. That room was small, with two shuddering windows, but tall. The ceiling was so far away it seemed anything could happen in the space between the scratchy warmth of our quilt and that faraway wood. The door to the room was tall, too, and it had a metal doorknob with bumpy carvings that felt rusty on my small hand. Below the doorknob was keyhole. When my cousin, Maria, watched television in the common room outside our door, the light came through the keyhole, projecting an upside-down copy of the show on our flaking wallpaper. I tried to watch these shows when they were on because it took my mind off the skittering sounds in the ceiling and the drafty cold breath of monsters breathing softly on my cheeks. But upside-down black and white television characters stretching tall and misshapen on that high, high wall were almost as scary as the monsters I couldn’t see.

Tonight when I go into my adult bedroom, made messy by a weekend of closet cleaning, I wish for Maria’s quiet TV outside my door. The cold night air gusts the gauze curtains, and I hear a woman on the sidewalk yelling at her dog. Two dusty closet doors are spread eagle on the floor beside fat trash bags bursting with clothes for the Salvation Army. This room feels abandoned, and I don’t want to sleep here.

I return to the living room and curl up on the couch. My husband taps quietly on the keyboard, and I don’t need a keyhole to see the familiar pictures on his computer monitor. He may not chase away the boogeyman with a magic sword, but he always makes time to tuck me into bed, and he stays until I fall asleep if I ask him to.

August 10, 2004: President Bush, speaking about his appointee for Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) Director, Porter Goss:

“He knows the CIA inside and out” and “He’s the right man to lead this important agency at this critical moment in our nation’s history.”

Whitehouse Website

March 3, 2004: Porter Goss on Porter Goss:

It is true I was in CIA from approximately the late 50’s to approximately the early 70’s. And it’s true I was a case officer, clandestine services office and yes I do understand the core mission of the business. I couldn’t get a job with CIA today. I am not qualified. I don’t have the language skills. I, you know, my language skills were romance languages and stuff. We’re looking for Arabists today. I don’t have the cultural background probably. And I certainly don’t have the technical skills, uh, as my children remind me every day, “Dad you got to get better on your computer.” Uh, so, the things that you need to have, I don’t have.

Watch for Yourself

It appears that the President doesn’t accept Goss’ opinion on his own qualifications, though many current and former CIA staffers do.

“This whole appointment is a cheap political trick. One of the recommendations of the commission is that no political appointee be made director. But this is so clearly political. If Goss isn’t a political appointee, than I don’t know what is.”

~Former top CIA Iraq analyst Judith Yaphe

Former CIA agent Larry Johnson also questioned Goss’s qualifications. “There is one thing Goss didn’t really do for the last several years — he didn’t chair the House Intelligence Committee, in spite of what his resume claims,” said Johnson. “Instead, he did the dead man’s float.”

Johnson said Goss did not have the experience claimed. Goss did not “push through real reforms, for example, getting more funding for badly clandestine assets. He didn’t do any of it.”

Former CIA Counter-terrorism Chief Vince Cannistraro agreed: “Goss has never been very distinguished, but he’s protected. He’s a Bush loyalist and has been in the forefront of those who have tried to place the major blame for the 9/11 attacks on the agency.”

Insight Magazine

Since Porter Goss took over, experienced agents are handing in their resignations daily. These are not friendly partings. News sources use words such as war and crisis to describe the exodus. A roster of agents on the outs include:

• John McLaughlin, deputy director
• Stephen Kappes, head of the clandestine service
• Mike Scheuer, the CIA’s Osama bin Laden expert
• James Pavitt, the deputy director of operations

And the President won’t accept any intelligence that he doesn’t already agree with, either:

WASHINGTON — The White House has ordered the new CIA director, Porter Goss, to purge the agency of officers believed to have been disloyal to President George W. Bush or of leaking damaging information to the media about the conduct of the Iraq war and the hunt for Osama bin Laden, according to knowledgeable sources.

“The agency is being purged on instructions from the White House,” said a former senior CIA official who maintains close ties to both the agency and to the White House. “Goss was given instructions … to get rid of those soft leakers and liberal Democrats. The CIA is looked on by the White House as a hotbed of liberals and people who have been obstructing the president’s agenda.”

Newsday

On Monday, Goss issued a memo to his staff which apparently urged them to fall in line with the Bush agenda:

“As agency employees we do not identify with, support or champion opposition to the administration or its policies,” Mr. Goss said in the memorandum, which was circulated late on Monday. He said in the document that he was seeking “to clarify beyond doubt the rules of the road.”

Memo from Porter Goss to CIA Staff
November 15, 2004
Washington Times

So Porter Goss may be pressuring his staff to be “team players”, and has been ordered to fire anyone who may disagree with a Bush policy, who may present information that directly challenges the wisdom of a Bush policy, or anyone who might make public any information that might make a Bush decision look bad.

CIA’s mission is to support the President, the National Security Council, and all officials who make and execute the U.S. national security policy by:

• Providing accurate, comprehensive, and timely foreign intelligence on national security topics.
• Conducting counterintelligence activities, special activities, and other functions related to foreign intelligence and national security, as directed by the President.

…CIA serves as an independent source of analysis on topics of concern and also works …to ensure that the intelligence consumer…receives the best intelligence possible.

CIA Website

I guess the phrase “best intelligence possible” now means: telling President Bush whatever he wants to hear.

So many experienced agents lost.
A man who admits he’s unqualified is in charge.
Anybody who has his own opinion is afraid for his job.
Anyone with information the President might not like is afraid for her job.

Maybe they should drop the “I” and just start calling it “Central Agency” now.

I always wondered why the press keeps referring to the torture in Abu Ghriab prison as “prisoner mistreatment”.

If attaching electrodes to my private parts and turning on the juice is just mistreatment, then what is torture?

Now I see that the press must have been using the new definition of torture, created by his eminence, Alberto R. Gonzales:

Physical pain amounting to torture must be equivalent in intensity to the pain accompanying serious physical injury, such as organ failure, impairment of bodily function, or even death. For purely mental pain or sufferingto amount to torture under Section 2340, it must result in significant psychological harm of significant duration, e.g. lasting for months or even years.

Memorandum for Alberto R. Gonzales
Council to the President
August 1, 2002

It seems a bit extreme to me. Honestly, all they’d have to do to me is pull out my fingernails, or put me in a meat locker for a few hours, and I’d confess to crucifying Christ, organizing the attacks of September 11th, and playing Christmas music before Halloween.

And no one lies as much as the indignant do.

~Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche

“I think it is fair to say that I believe we’ve got a great chance to establish a Palestinian state,” Bush said. “And I intend to use the next four years to spend the capital of the United States on such a state.”

CNN

What is this “capital of the United States” that he intends to spend?

It can’t be money. With our 4 trillion dollar deficit, the correct word would be “credit”.

Perhaps he’s talking about political capital, like the international goodwill and co-operative spirit that America experienced in the days following the attacks on September 11th. Sadly, he already spent that on the Iraq war.

I’ll just leave that first sentence alone.
Next time, Mr. President, just say this:

“I believe we have a great chance to establish a Palestinian state, and I intend to support that effort fully.”

Thank you.

Today’s Red Herring.

What’s the most important thing about White House counsel Alberto R. Gonzales, who President Bush nominated yesterday to replace Attorney General John D. Ashcroft?

That he would be the first Hispanic attorney general?
That he has been a longtime and deeply loyal friend to the president?
That he championed legal arguments that some critics say laid the groundwork for the abuses at the Abu Ghraib prison?

Clearly, all three are important. The first is neat. The second is telling. The third is horrifying, if true.

Washington Post

I was surprised to read that of 12 headlines this writer surveyed only three made any reference to the policy memo Gonzales wrote to the President which concluded that detainees from Afghanistan and Iraq were not qualified to recieve the protections laid out int he Geneva Convention. This and other Gonzales policies laid the groundwork for the torture that later occurred at Abu Ghriab prison. And those three combined the torture with friendlier stuff:

• Reuters: Son of migrant workers; Bush confidant; shaper of legal opinions about prisoner treatment.
• CBS Evening News: Loyal longtime ally; under fire for legal arguments in war on terror.
• Associated Press: Helped shape controversial legal strategy in the war on terror; first Hispanic.

As far as I can tell, none of these news outlets went into any detail about the torture memo. This seems very strange to me, as I, personally, would not want an attorney general who advocates the use of torture.

Shouldn’t every news outlet be filling us in on the details of chain of events that started with Gonzales’ policy memos, and ended with naked prisoners being forced to perform degrading acts while US soldiers looked on and laughed?

It seems like a good day to think about what being a combat veteran really means. This essay says a lot:

“NPR : A Day in the Life of the ‘Bravo Company’”

This morning on the radio, I heard a discussion about the separation of church and state. One caller asked why we needed it.

The host replied, “Look, I am not a religious person. If we don’t have separation of church and state, what’s to stop them from rounding all of the people like me up and putting us in a cage?”

The caller responded shrilly,

“Do you know how ridiculous you liberals sound? Nobody is going to put you in a cage, can you hear yourself?”

I was annoyed with both of them. Niether of these people was adding anything meaningful to the discussion. The host was exaggerating, and the caller was responding with name calling, and a knee-jerk, judgemental response. Neither seemed interested in hearing what the other side had to say. More importantly, neither side showed any indication that he was willing to examine his own assumptions.

It reminded me of the fights I sometimes have with my husband. In our house, I’m the exaggerator,

“You are ALWAYS on that computer and you NEVER help me with the housework anymore!”
This really means, “I want you to help me with the dishes right now.”

Kris, like most people, responds to attack with defense, “I just sat down two minutes ago!”

Interpreting his defense as a sign that he is denying my accusations, I exaggerate further, “You were there all day yesterday, and then again this morning! When are you going to make time for your chores?” Now he gets mad.

“I wasn’t on the computer all day. I went to the park with you! We saw a movie! I spent more than half the day doing what you wanted to do!”

By now, I know he’s right. I have exaggerated and accused him unfairly. But I’m mad, and I want to win. My mind starts handing me red herrings: “Going to the park was a chore- I would have had to walk the dog anyway so that doesn’t count! -Usually-you-don’t-eve-bother-to-help-with-that-anyway, ” and “you were the one that wanted to see that movie!”

After a fight, Kris and I do what I call the Post Fight Show. This is where we sit together and talk about the real cause of the fight and discuss what we could have done differently to prevent it. We agree to do whatever needs doing, and make sure to smooth over any hurt feelings. We reaffirm that we are both on the same team.

After three years of the Post Fight Show we can recognize this pattern pretty quickly:

1. I am grouchy or tired, and I don’t want to do the dishes. He looks like he’s having fun, so I vent on him.
2. Surprised by my sneak attack, he gets mad and defensive.
3. We jump to opposite sides of the ring and put up our dukes.

Once it comes to this, the fight will get more and more irrational until we finally run out of energy, make up, and talk it through. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised to hear this same pattern being played out on the radio, in the office, and on news shows across the country. Anytime you see two people arguing any issue, you’re likely to see:

Attack
Defend
Counterattack
Red herring
Red herring
Red herring

Frequently these attacks and counter attacks are not new ideas, but parroted repetitions of things the disputants have heard or used before. I am concerned about the impact these discussions are having on all of us. Besides teaching us a bad way discuss issues, they are feeding us thousands of red herrings, which we repeat to one another as if they really mattered.

You can see this in action all over the television. In this clip Jon Stewart is telling Tucker Carlson and Paul Begala of Crossfire that their kind of debating is not really a debate. Tucker and Paul are tossing red herrings like banana peels in a cartoon chase.

The frustrating thing about this style of argument is that it doesn’t solve anything. Are these guys really trying to solve a problem, or are they just trying to win? In politics, I think there’s a third answer: Each side is trying to get the viewers (us) to hear their ‘talking point’ again. And again, and again, and again. They’re hoping we’ll accept these sound bytes without thinking about it, and begin repeating them to each other.

Usually, that’s exactly what we do. The sad thing about this is that we aren’t a nation of idiots. We are capable of thinking for ourselves. I may be an idealist, but I do believe that the majority of Americans are good people, kind people. People who want what is best for our country and for each other. So we disagree on the details of what is best. There are a lot of us, so I wouldn’t expect us all to have the same opinion.

What I do expect, is that we attempt to discuss these differences of opinion in an honest and loving manner. I expect us to reject knee-jerk reactions, in favor of thoughtful responses.

We are not enemies, we should not be trying to beat each other. We are countrymen, and we should be trying to solve our problems together.

As a team.

Kris and I aren’t having those fights as much as we used to. Thanks to The Post Fight Show I’ve learned that I should bite back my pointless attack, and ask him for what I need,

“Honey, will you help me with the dishes now?”

Now that we’ve seen the end of the dirtiest, most divisive election in my lifetime, isn’t it time we had our own Post Fight Show? We are, after all, on the same team. Let’s throw away those red herrings and bite back those reflexive attacks and start solving this.

I know it’s hard work.
Let’s get to it.

“The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved,”

John Ashcroft, in his handwritten resignation letter to the President, dated Nov. 2 - Election Day.

Assoicated Press

Wow! Why didn’t anybody tell me?

To celebrate my security, I’m going to go running in the park tonight in the dark.

From Dictionary.com:

Main Entry:: in·sur·gent
Function: noun
1 : a person who rises in revolt against civil authority or an established government; especially : one not recognized as a belligerent
2 : one that acts contrary to the established leadership (as of a political party, union, or corporation) or its decisions and policies

Source: Merriam-Webster Dictionary of Law, © 1996 Merriam-Webster, Inc.

As 12,000 U.S. and Iraqi troops launch their attack on Iraqi insurgents in Falluja, I was thinking about the word “insurgent”. When you read a word like that in the news, it’s easy to forget that an insurgent is a person. One US Soldier on today’s attack:

“We’re going to start at one end of the city, and we’re not going to stop until we get to the other,” said Lt. Col. Pete Newell, a battalion commander from the U.S. Army’s 1st Infantry Division.

“If there’s anybody left when that happens, we’re going to turn around and we’re going to go back and finish it.”

CNN

I’m not making any judgements about these people. I’m not implying they are good people or that they’re bad people. Just that right this very minute, US troops are killing a lot of Iraqi people.

Is it uncool these days to be sad about killing people?

Yesterday I spoke to my friend, who I’ll call Don. It was my first conversation with a Bush supporter since Black Tuesday. I was nervous when I picked up the phone. In my current state of mind, it could have been the end of a very long friendship.

As soon as I answered, he knew something was wrong.

“I’m upset about the election”, I explained, that demoralizing knot threatening to jump into my throat again.

“Oh sweetie, you were for Kerry? I didn’t know you cared so much about the election. Well, I’m sorry you are sad, but wasn’t it great how many people turned out to vote?”

‘Don’ had worked on the Bush campaign as hard as I’d worked on the Kerry side. We compared war stories for a bit, before easing into the real meat of the discussion.

“As a survivor, who lived in New York on September 11th, don’t you think we’re better off fighting the terrorist on their own land, instead of fighting them here in America? Don’t you think that if we could get some healthy democracy going in the Middle East that the world would be safer for everybody?”

I agreed about the healthy democracy in the Middle East, but I’m not optimistic about our chances for success over there. As for fighting them on their own turf…I mentioned that, though President Bush has said many times that we have “75% of Al Queda in custody”, he’s only talking about the organization that was in place when they attacked the World Trade Center. Since we attacked Iraq, al Qaeda has used the anger and frustration the Arab community feels over our occupation to recruit tens, possibly hundreds of thousands of eager new terrorists. This does not make me feel safer.

Unable to agree about the war, we moved on.

“I don’t know why people just can’t say it,” Don breezed, “I mean, nobody wants an abortion to happen, but for goodness sake, let’s not have our daughters getting killed in back alleys with these coat hanger abortions. Let’s keep it legal and safe, and work hard to prevent them from getting pregnant in the first place!

…And you know I am the last person to have any problem with gay marriage, I mean what other people do in the bedroom is none of my business. But I know a lot of people are still very threatened by this.”

And this is my real question. How could Don, the man who took me to my first drag show, be for George W. Bush? So I asked. His answer was that Kerry didn’t seem to have a strong sense of direction, he didn’t exhibit real leadership, nobody could tell where he stood on things.

“But that’s just partisan propaganda!” I began to bluster.

One thing I’ve learned about talking to people who disagree with me… is that it works best if I don’t get shrill. So I calmed myself down. There are some things we can agree on.

“You’re right about one thing… Bush leads with authority. He has confidence in his direction. See, that’s why I hate him so much. He’s supremely confident in his direction, and he’s powering forward, and I completely disagree with everything he’s doing!”

Don wanted to know exactly what I disagree with. So I told him. And he listened.

We really aren’t so far apart on the issues. We disagree on the war, but Don doesn’t want my children to get mercury poisoning either. Nor is he thrilled about the deficit.

I hung up the phone feeling relieved. A longstanding friendship had been reaffirmed, but also, a seed had been planted in my mind. If the two of us can speak rationally about our differences, and come to consensus on some of these issues in a one-hour phone conversation, why can’t our two parties do this?

The answer is they absolutely can. I believe the two parties split America in two on purpose. They choose these ‘wedge’ issues like abortion and gay marriage to scare and anger their respective supporters in order to get us up off the couch and into the voting booths. In the meantime, they neglected other issues such as education, trade ,and the environment, all of which were conspicuously absent in this year’s discussion.

And it worked. We had record turnout this year. Sixty percent of eligible voters actually turned up and voted. Many polling places were overwhelmed by the numbers.

We, the American citizens, are partially to blame for this shoddy behavior. Sixty percent turnout is a record? No wonder they’re doing cartwheels to get us to the polls. Like ungrateful teenagers, we are taking our liberties for granted, but we can’t be bothered to earn our keep by doing the simple chores:

• stay informed
• walk down to the poll and vote
• rise up to protest when necessary

Shame on us.

I suspect that if the two parties could count on us to follow the issues and to turn up at the polls, they wouldn’t be resorting to fear mongering, attack ads, and outright lies. They couldn’t get away with it if they did, because an informed electorate wouldn’t fall for it. One thing I recently discovered is that political candidates are not required to tell us the truth. In fact, their right to lie to us is protected by federal law. The following snippet comes from a really interesting article on FactCheck.org:

Laws protecting consumers from false advertising of products are enforced pretty vigorously. For example, the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) took action in 2002 to protect the public from the self-proclaimed psychic “Miss Cleo,” whom the FTC said promised free readings over the phone and then socked her gullible clients with enormous telephone charges.

…

But there’s no such truth-in-advertising law governing federal candidates. They can legally lie about almost anything they want. In fact, the Federal Communications Act even requires broadcasters who run candidate ads to show them uncensored, even if the broadcasters believe their content to be offensive or false.

This is taken very seriously.

Fact Check

And they are lying. For example, a recent poll by The Program for International Policy Attitudes (PIPA)* shows that Bush supporters overwhelmingly believed many things that were not true. Since the same poll found that Kerry supporters overwhelmingly knew the truth on these issues, it seems to me they could only have gotten this bad information (lies) from their candidate himself.

Even after the final report of Charles Duelfer to Congress saying that Iraq did not have a significant WMD program, 72% of Bush supporters continue to believe that Iraq had actual WMD (47%) or a major program for developing them (25%). Fifty-six percent assume that most experts believe Iraq had actual WMD and 57% also assume, incorrectly, that Duelfer concluded Iraq had at least a major WMD program.

Program for International Policy poll analysis

Not only are they lying about the facts, but a new study indicates that politicians on both sides are purposely hiding thier own positions on issues:

“There is an orchestrated effort from both major parties to strip citizens of information about their candidates and elected officials,” said Richard Kimball, president of the nonprofit, non-partisan group. “By refusing to answer fair, relevant questions about where they stand on top issues, these candidates are shutting the door on citizens’ access to information.”

Vote Smart

Clearly, we can’t elect candidates who truly stand for the things we want and believe without doing some pretty serious homework.

So let’s get it together. We all need to get informed and stay informed. And we should not rely only on FOX news or CNN, we need a variety of sources- sources that are not tied to big corporations who happen to also be campaign contributors to one political party or the other. We need to talk to one another, to share ideas, and to be willing to learn from one another. We need to write our congress people when it’s necessary, and we need to stand up and vote.

Do your homework, America. Don’t make me come down there.

___

*PIPA is a joint program of the Center on Policy Attitudes (COPA) and the Center for International and Security Studies at Maryland (CISSM), School of Public Affairs, University of Maryland.

Today Sophie and I were rerouted on our walk due to noisy road construction. Our detour took us past PS 56, also known as our polling place.

I felt a pang in my stomach much like the one you get when you see the old boyfriend at the mall buying a pretzel.

“You can’t be depressed for the next four years, hon.”

“No,” I responded, “That would be letting the terrorists win.” This is my idea of a joke this morning.

I was trying to put eyeliner on lids swollen from last night’s tears, though I don’t really care if I look nice today. I pulled on a black sweater to wear under my black suit. I added black earrings and a black necklace. I wished I had a black veil, or at least some large, dark sunglasses like the ones movie stars wear when they’re hiding a black eye. I’d like to wear one of those armbands people used to wear when they were in mourning. Why did we stop doing this? It seems a healthy thing, to wear our grief on the outside… to silently ask strangers for their understanding when life has hurt us deeply.

For me, this was not just an ordinary presidential election.
For me, this was a referendum on American values.

Would we stand up for our civil liberties, or re-elect the powers that brought us the Patriot Act, torture in Abu Gharib, and the “if you’re not with us then you’re against us” doctrine of labeling dissenters as traitors?

Would we reach out to our poor, our children, and our middle class by closing off tax loopholes to large corporations so that we could offer affordable health care coverage for all? Or would we continue to reduce services to the poor, such as public transit, education, and parks, so that we can give more tax breaks to the rich?

Would we take responsibility for our burgeoning budget deficit and our ominous trade deficit, or would we clap on our blinders and assume that some magical economic boom will solve our financial woes?

Would we give in to our fear, and continue sending our children to die in foreign lands, clinging to the illusion that we are safer from terrorism if we provoke them on their own turf? Or would we look for a sustainable solution involving compromise, long-term diplomacy, and respect for other cultures?

Would we vote for religious tolerance, or affirm the recent trend toward merging evangelical Christian fundamentalism with our government?

Would we rise up to protect our unborn children and grandchildren from mercury poisoning, and the world changes caused by global warming, or would we continue to subsidize our addiction to big cars and bigger houses blazing with light and heat, by allowing coal and oil refineries to continue dumping their poisons into the air and water instead of requiring them to upgrade their facilities and clean up?

Last night I was optimistic. Kris and I waited in long lines at the polls, it was heartening to see so many Americans were getting involved in politics. We chatted with our neighbors about the issues of the day, and winked conspiratorially as we entered our voting booths. I waved as I exited, saying to my fellow patriots, “Happy Election Day!”

Now that the election is over, I am not optimistic. I have a sick feeling in my stomach, and I keep getting that “I want my mommy” feeling. But mommy voted for the other side.

I’m afraid it will take some time.
I have to make peace with this loss before I am ready to make peace with the half of my country that chose the path we are all doomed to follow.