Glibbertysmidgeon

I always wondered why the press keeps referring to the torture in Abu Ghriab prison as “prisoner mistreatment”.

If attaching electrodes to my private parts and turning on the juice is just mistreatment, then what is torture?

Now I see that the press must have been using the new definition of torture, created by his eminence, Alberto R. Gonzales:

Physical pain amounting to torture must be equivalent in intensity to the pain accompanying serious physical injury, such as organ failure, impairment of bodily function, or even death. For purely mental pain or sufferingto amount to torture under Section 2340, it must result in significant psychological harm of significant duration, e.g. lasting for months or even years.

Memorandum for Alberto R. Gonzales
Council to the President
August 1, 2002

It seems a bit extreme to me. Honestly, all they’d have to do to me is pull out my fingernails, or put me in a meat locker for a few hours, and I’d confess to crucifying Christ, organizing the attacks of September 11th, and playing Christmas music before Halloween.