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Young Brennan Hawkins has been rescued from his four days lost in the wilderness. His parents are very proud of him for surviving, and for following their advice so carefully.

Brennan’s mother, Jody Hawkins, suggested that her son may have been avoiding searchers by following his father’s advice.

“He had two thoughts going through his head all the time,” she said. “Toby’s always told him that ‘If you get lost, stay on the trail.’ So he stayed on the trail. We’ve also told him don’t talk to strangers … when an ATV or horse came by he got off the trail … when they left, he got back on the trail.”

“His biggest fear, he told me, was someone would steal him,” Jody Hawkins added.

CNN

I fear that Brennon’s parents may have hammered home the wrong message. Studies show that 71% of child abductions are not perpetrated by strangers.

For generations, our fundamental messages to children have contained three basic premises.

“Don’t Take Candy From Strangers”
In at least two of three cases, the offender is not a stranger in the mind of the child. Usually, the victim and offender know each other, at least casually. Child molesters often seek legitimate access to children and then victimize them through a process similar to seduction. This reality does not make the message wrong, only grossly inadequate in providing protection for children, who need more comprehensive information about the dangers they are far more likely to face.

“Don’t be a tattletale.”
One of the most stigmatizing names that a child can be called is tattletale. From their earliest moments, we consciously and subconsciously encourage children not to communicate. Thousands of children are hidden victims, and the key to prevention and detection is communication. Children must be taught that if something is happening in their lives that they do not feel right about or that makes them feel uncomfortable, they must tell somebody they trust.

“You’re just a kid. Be respectful to adults; they know what they’re doing.”
With this final message, we face a delicate challenge. All parents want their children to be polite and respectful to adults. Our message is not that we want children to be disrespectful, but that we must empower them to realize that they have the right to say no to those who would abuse their authority as adults. As educational consultant Stephanie Meeghan aptly expresses during many of the training sessions for teachers that she has held since 1988, “We must make children aware that their safety is more important than good manners.”

America’s families need not live in fear, but parents need to be fully informed about the dangers their children face and the most effective ways to educate them and guard them from harm. The key to child safety is communication. Children should recognize that “strangers” often do not look strange, and parents should recognize that most abductions and assaults involve an offender and victim who know each other. The exaggerated fears of “stranger danger” generated by lurid tabloid headlines need to be replaced with solid facts garnered from serious research.

Keeping Children Safe: Rhetoric and Reality
Ernest E. Allen
Juvenile Justice Journal

Sure it’s healthy to be wary of strangers.
It is not healthy, however, to blow this wariness up into a phobia so strong that a child would rather brave the wilderness with no food, water, or shelter than to ask for help from a passing hiker.