Flotsam
“Girls steal your beauty”
~Nurse at the podiatrist’s office, on seeing my pregnant belly
I don’t know about my beauty, but someone’s made off with my brains.
Since Scarlett came into my life, I rarely have two thoughts to rub together. I have lost all capacity to write. This page is a place to pin down any thoughts I might have, even though they aren’t blogworthy.
If you hope for entertainment, enlightenment, or anything good, you might as well stop reading now.
“If I only had a brain”
~Scarecrow
June 27, Wednesday
I used to take better care of myself.
I was better about eating vegetables and going to the gym.
I got pedicures, and worried about bovine growth hormone.
In those days, I was crackling with potential.
Now I make sure the baby gets the sleep she needs, and plenty of exercise crawling and climbing. I am always looking for organic, whole, healthy foods to give her. There is little time for yoga classes or long runs in the park.
Scarlett is pure, beautiful potential.
These days, all of my energy bends itself toward her; to protect and to nurture that unscarred place that is her future.
My potential feels small and tight, like a cracked leather shoe.
June 26, 2006
Now that I’m a parent, I want to be home with my family more than ever before. When I try to picture it, my home refuses to focus. They feel like pale dreams, my memories, too vague and all together too pretty to be true.
My rose colored recollection had didacted the rain and the boredom, dinners at Red Robin and that crappy mall, and left only images of euphoric mountain bike rides and firepit revelry over tasty margaritas.
If I lived there, would I have any more fun on a Friday night than I do now?
Would I ride?
Or would I cradle the baby monitor while watching American Idol and pretending that tomorrow I’ll turn back into that girl I used to be?
